What Makes You Beautiful
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What Makes You Beautiful
The holidays aren’t fun for me. It means visiting friends of my parents and having to look presentable to them. And that means that I have to wear “the nice clothes” my mom buys me.
I said I was going to hang out with my friends, but it doesn’t happen. My family ends up visiting Grandpa and Grandma (my dad’s parents) and each of his three sisters’ families. And we stay over at all of their places. I am reminded by my mom repeatedly during the visits that I am the only one carrying on the Osborne name. I get told repeatedly I have an obligation to ensure the name will be continued.
It’s creepy to think about. But I make myself do it. Like, unless I end up with a trans guy, there is no way I’m having biological kids. And I’m not willing to have kids the old-fashioned way, even if this theoretical trans guy was willing. It’s triggering to think about it.
When I do think about it, I realize I am definitely not a guy. I don’t feel comfortable being a guy or being included as one. I don’t like when people call me a guy and don’t want to dress or present at all like a guy. I just don’t know what kind of not-guy I am. Maybe I’m genderqueer or non-binary? I have been going to Alphabet Soup, but I haven’t met any non-binary or genderqueer people who weren’t assigned female at birth. Could I be non-binary? Or was that only for them?
And if I did transition to female, would I be straight? I’ve spent the past few months considering myself gay. I don’t want to be a straight girl. I don’t want to be like the girls in the performance stream. I don’t want to be basic. I’m scared that I won’t be included as part of the queer community anymore if I only like guys. What does it say about me that I’m still crushing on Kyle, who’s straight? A disaster waiting to happen, that’s what it makes me. Are these feelings about being more feminine so that maybe Kyle might notice me and break up with his girlfriend? In what fan fiction would I have to life for that to be even remotely possible? I’m such a fake.
So the holidays pass by with a lot of texting and apologies to my friends.
I’m glad to be heading back to school. Although I haven’t missed Ms. Brown at all.
With the new term comes new projects. Namely, musical theatre.
Logan Osborne has recently transferred to an arts school, hoping he will find a more comfortable leaning environment away from the bullying at his previous school. Logan knows he likes boys, and he begins experimenting with girls’ clothing and nail polish yet he is shy about coming out, even with his friends at school. And his family’s homophobic attitudes make it almost impossible to tell anyone at home how he feels. Logan eventually accepts that he isn’t really comfortable as a male and begins to wonder just where he fits in. He has a crush on Kyle who appears to be straight and has a girlfriend. Yet Logan doesn’t fit in with other gay guys either. He asks his friends to use ‘they’ pronouns when they refer to him and eventually changes his name to Veronica, hoping he will find out who he really is and then be able to form warm and loving relationships.
What Makes You Beautiful is an inside look at Logan who is confused about his gender and wants to explore his identity. Gradually he realizes he is a transgender girl. Many of his friends at school are supportive and helpful and, for instance, introduce Logan to Alphabet Soup, a drop-in centre where teens can hang out and get to know one another while talking about queer issues. One teacher at school seems to have difficulty understanding and connecting with Logan and his friends, but another adult, the pianist for the school choir, turns out to be a trans woman who has insights and advice which Logan can use.
Logan is a biracial Asian/American teenager, and his family exerts pressure on him to fulfill their expectations regarding his future employment and continuing the family line. His parents, particularly Logan’s dad, are biased and homophobic, and so Logan has no support at home. He essentially lives two lives – one at home and the other with his friends at school.
Understandably, much of the action of the novel takes place in Logan’s head as he deals with his uncertainties and tries to make sense of his life. This leads to a novel which expresses a great deal of emotion and, therefore, becomes repetitive. Logan goes over and over his feelings in his mind – and so do his readers. The writing is straightforward and uncomplicated, making the language entirely accessible for tweens. The ending seems manufactured and abrupt. It is rewarding to see Logan in a happier place, but events happen too quickly to be believable. And in the end, Logan has made some decisions but has not come out to his family or to more than a few friends, and so there are still many obstacles ahead of him, and readers are left with unresolved issues and many unanswered questions.
Lorimer has published this novel as part of their “Real Love” series which they advertise as “Diverse romances for today’s teens”. What Makes You Beautiful will have appeal for any teens who may find themselves questioning their gender identity while also allowing other young adult readers an insight into the queer community.
Ann Ketcheson, a retired high school teacher-librarian and classroom teacher of English and French, lives in Ottawa, Ontario.