The Player
The Player
“I’ll see what’s keeping Pesh.” Bobbi started toward the locker rooms.
“You can’t. The team is still in there,” he said.
“I’ll go,” I said. I couldn’t avoid seeing Pesh forever. At least I didn’t have to do it in front of Bobbi and Dax.
Bobbi bit her lip. She looked like she wanted to say something. Dax went back to wiping down seats.
When I was halfway down the hall, the door to the change room opened. A bunch of chatter hit me. It was followed by the smell of sweat and steamy showers. The team filed past me. They greeted me and said goodbye all in the same breath.
I stepped inside. Pesh was pulling a shirt on. He spotted me as his head came through the neck hole. His eyes got wide. A hint of his smirk appeared.
“You still mad?” he asked.
I shook my head.
“Good.” Pesh stepped over his hockey bag. “It all happened so fast with Bobbi. I wasn’t planning on it. I still should have told you. Things are okay again. Right?”
“I don’t know,” I said.
He pushed the door closed. He stepped close to me. My back was against the door. My front was against him. He put a hand on either side of me.
“You look great.” He reached up and smoothed my hair. He smelled like soap and body spray.
I stared into his eyes. He kissed my neck. I tilted my head.
“We shouldn’t,” I whispered.
“No one’s around.”
“Bobbi’s upstairs.”
“And?” He reached for my belt. It was new. Bobbi had picked it.
I grabbed his hand and stopped him. “We need to talk about what’s going on between us.”
Pesh gave a full smirk. “You mean this?” He rubbed against me.
I put both hands on his shoulders and pushed him back. “Is it just fooling around?”
“I told you I like you.”
“I’m gay. I don’t want to hide.”
“There are no gay guys in hockey,” Pesh shot. “You know how this sport is. I can’t be with Bobbi and you. I can’t be with you at all. I’d ruin my shot at a career.”
“Bobbi said that hockey needs guys to come out. She says there are fans and kids who need to see someone like me. Someone like you,” I argued.
“Bobbi isn’t thinking right. She thinks because agents are coming out, it’s time for that. It isn’t. Hockey isn’t ready. She’s wrong.”
“What if she’s not? I can be gay and get drafted.”
“What about me?” Pesh asked. “Tell me, how many Sri Lankan guys do you see playing hockey? How many not-white guys? And how are they treated when they do go pro? If their teams lose, they’re blamed. If they win, they’re attacked. I’m already fighting for my shot harder than any of the other guys because of that. I can’t add liking guys and liking girls. I can’t fight both, but I don’t have a choice over the other like you do. I might as well never pick up a stick again. I’d be done.”
I didn’t know what to say. Part of me knew Pesh was right. I only had to be one thing. I only had one fight. And I’d chosen to be quiet about who I was when I’d joined a new team. Because it kept me safer. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t see it that way.”
Pesh looked away and shrugged. “Weren’t you having fun sneaking around?”
“I was,” I admitted. I wasn’t now.
“We had fun with this too.” He rubbed the front of my pants with his other hand. “Things don’t need to change. They’re working. We just need to play this smart.”
I moved his hands away. “They can’t keep working. Not this way.”
“Fine,” Pesh spat. “You can ruin your shot at going pro. I’m not ruining mine. The odds are already stacked against me. I’m not about to let you or anyone else stop me.”
“I’m not trying to stop you.” I went to grab his wrist. “I’m on your team.”
“Don’t!” He pulled it away. “I want this too much.”
He left the locker room. I didn’t try to stop him.
It was clear. He didn’t want me that much.
Cooper has recently joined the Great Blues hockey team after having to transfer teams when his previous team no longer had enough players to continue. The players on his old team knew he was gay, but he hasn’t told his new teammates yet. He’s not hiding his sexuality or ashamed of it; he just doesn’t know the new guys well enough to consider them friends and trust them enough to share his story. He’s observed their locker room talk and the derogatory and demeaning language they use to discuss women and girls, in addition to their homophobic slurs, and so there’s no way he’s discussing his sexuality with them any time soon.
After an out-of-town game and during a hotel stay, Cooper and Pesh, the team’s star player, fool around. It isn’t a one-time thing—they continue to room together and hook up after each away game as well as in the dressing room after games. Cooper isn’t in the closet; he’s looking for a relationship. Cooper discovers that Pesh, on the other hand, is also romantically involved with Bobbi, one of the girls who follows the team and helps the star players with their social media accounts which they hope will catch the eyes of fans and scouts and increase their chances of making it to the next level. Cooper reluctantly agrees to keep the relationship a secret to appease Pesh.
As Cooper’s feelings for Pesh grow and he begins to learn more about Pesh and Bobbi’s involvement, he soon discovers that Pesh has been less than honest with both him and Bobbi. Pesh’s behaviour begins to turn manipulative and emotionally abusive toward Cooper. Pesh admits that he worries that his dreams of a hockey career will be extinguished if his sexuality is revealed, but this explanation doesn’t make Cooper feel any better about how he has been treated. As Cooper’s friendship with Bobbi grows, he begins to wonder if Pesh is playing games with both him and Bobbi simultaneously and if either of them really know the real Pesh.
The Player is author Paul Coccia’s second young adult text. His previous YA offering, Cub, (www.cmreviews.ca/node/333) also focused on LGBTQ+ themes. His next book, set to be released in 2022, is a middle-grade novel co-authored with Eric Walters. Coccia has a specialist in English from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Fine Arts in Creative Writing from the University of British Columbia. He resides in Toronto with his family and dogs.
The Player is part of Lorimer’s “SideStreets” series, a high interest collection of realistic teen fiction with reading levels between 2.0 and 5.5. The books are relatively short in length and are written with the intent of engaging beginning readers and even the most reluctant readers with their relatable and diverse real-life issues, characters, and settings. With the intent of capturing and maintaining readers’ attention whilst teaching the target audience about relevant and timely topics, the books in the series consist of short chapters, action-packed plotlines, large print, and straightforward vocabulary.
As author Coccia states in his “Author’s Note” at the end of The Player, there are currently no openly gay men playing professional hockey, nor are there any who have come out upon retirement from the game. Coccia notes that at the time the book was going to print, an NHL agent, Bayne Pettinger, came out and Coccia was able to adjust the text to include this detail. Given that there are numerous active and retired players in each of the other large, male dominated sporting industries who are part of the LGBTQ+ community, including the MLB, NBA, and NFL, the reader, and society at large, must ponder the question—why are there no openly gay men in the history of the NHL? Coccia’s inclusion and discussion of these issues is an important one for readers to consider. He has written Cooper as a strong male character who is confident in his sexuality and unafraid of society’s perception and the potential discrimination he may face while playing the hyper-masculine sport he loves. Readers and fans of the game will be happy to see this type of representation shown, particularly members of the LGBTQ+ community who need and want to see someone like them playing the game, just as Bobbi tells Cooper in the text.
In addition to discussing sexual orientation and its representation in sport, the book delves into other relevant and important topics for teens such as body image and body positivity, healthy romantic relationships, and race, as it relates to sport. In several instances in the text, Cooper expresses his insecurities related to his body image, particularly his stomach and large size. This was an important topic for Coccia to make reference to as it demonstrates to readers that body image challenges are not solely experienced by women. Additionally, the book makes reference to Pesh’s struggle with having two perceived roadblocks to his success in hockey—his sexual orientation and his race, and he describes one challenge as being able to remain hidden, if he wishes it to, and the other being very visible. Racism has also been a major issue that many hockey players of colour have detailed their experiences on. Lastly, the text reveals much about healthy and unhealthy relationships through Pesh’s treatment of, and lack of honesty with, Bobbi and Cooper as well as his emotionally manipulative behaviour toward Cooper. The topics of consent, honest communication, and what is and isn’t healthy in a relationship are important topics for all teens to learn about.
The Player is a book that packs a large punch despite its relatively short page length. This book has many characteristics that will appeal to a variety of readers in the target audience. The realistic and engaging content, relatable characters and fast-moving plot will be of interest to reluctant readers, beginning readers, and strong readers looking for a quick, interesting read. Fans of hockey are likely to pick up this book and will learn about healthy romantic relationships and the experience of LGBTQ+ players of the sport. The Player, a realistic and page-turning read that covers many serious topics, is likely to hold appeal to a wide audience of teen readers.
Chasity Findlay is a graduate of the Master of Education program in Language and Literacy at the University of Manitoba and an avid reader of young adult fiction.