Outta Here
Outta Here
Mom shakes her head. “Now,” she repeats. I pack up my books, fast. Don’t cry, I tell myself. I leave without saying goodbye. Lily hasn’t moved or changed expression. Mom grabs my hand and drags me out the door. She wasn’t lying about the taxi, and I’m relieved it’s not Rich’s car idling in the driveway. She says nothing on the drive home. She pays the driver. She unlocks our side door and slams it shut after I walk in.
Ferry is gone. A spot of blood stains the floor.
“What the fuck happened?” Mom cries. “ I came home and the cat…it was…” She’s crying. For Ferry?
“I know.”
“You know. You fucking left it there for me to find?”
“I thought…I thought you left it there for me to find,” I say.
I dare to look at Mom. Her hair is grey and probably hasn’t been washed in a week. Her tie dye T-shirt is spotted with blood. She’s sweaty. She’s scared.
“You think I would do this? It’s fucking disgusting.”
“You let a psycho drug dealer into our home. I guess he found a way in.”
“Rich?”
“Yeah. The guy has been following me around. Knows who my friends are.”
“What did he say to you?”
“To shut up about him being here. About you two…”
The chips and candy from my study session with Lily threaten to make an appearance. I swallow them down.
“Asshole. I’ll take care of it,” Mom says.
“What will you do?”
“You don’t need to worry about it.”
“Our cat…” I start, but I can’t get through it without choking. “Ferry was strung up in our living room, Mom. Nothing you do can take it away.”
“Why would he do that? Who would you tell?”
“He saw my agenda. I was supposed to have an appointment with the guidance counsellor today.”
“Shit, Élise.”
“I didn’t meet with him. Rich found me at the bus stop. Told me not to say anything about him. Then when I came home…and he left a note.”
I tell Mom what it said. Mom exhales. She paces through her puff of smoke, which dispels into the room like a ghost. “Maybe you should go back to Lily’s house.”
“What are you going to do?” I ask.
“It’s safer for you there.”
“Why’d you come get me, then?”
“I don’t know, okay? I panicked.” She’s shaking. Her eyes are glassy. Her whole body is rigid, like she’s in pain. She cups her head in her hand. “Fucking migraine coming,” she says. She goes into her room and pops open a pill bottle. “Fuck!” she says and throws the empty bottle across the living room. She opens a drawer, searching for the bottle Rich brought her. “Shit,” she says. “They’re gone. They’re all gone. He took them.” She comes back out and leans on the kitchen table, holding her stomach.
“What is it?” I ask.
“Cramps.”
This day is the equivalent to the leftover cruddy food in the sink, stuck to the drain stopper after you wash the dishes. And now Mom is going through withdrawal. My phone vibrates with a text from Lily.
Élise is working hard to graduate from her high school in Joliette, Quebec. Although she has dreams of going to college to pursue her artistic passions, the circumstances of her life are making it seem almost impossible. After her mom sustains injuries in a car accident, she’s becoming more reliant on her pain medication and less able to support Élise financially or emotionally as she once had.
Élise’s friend, Lily, is basically the one positive in her life. Lily has an easier path in life with a strong family that is financially stable. Lily is a great friend and will do anything to help Élise, including encouraging her to go on the college field trip. What Lily doesn’t know, though, is the hell that Élise is going through because of her mom’s new ‘boyfriend’, Rich, who is providing her mom with a supply of pills but not taking monetary payment.
Things start to escalate as Rich becomes more concerned that Élise is going to tell people about what, exactly, is going on in her house. He threatens Élise and squeezes her hands to make his point. He even stops and talks to her as she’s waiting for the school bus. Rich says he knows about her friend, Lily, and Élise knows that Rich is getting more and more information about her life. Élise tries to confront her mom, but her mom is too involved in her own addiction to see what her life has become. Élise knows that she needs help, but she doesn’t want her mom to get in trouble. Even though her mom is too deep into the pills to see that she needs help and is starting to get aggressive and physical with Élise, Élise still loves her mother and remembers when times were good.
Lily pressures Élise to get her field trip form signed, but Élise’s mom refuses to sign it because she wants Élise to stay with her and not leave her alone. Élise decides to forge her mom’s signature, but the guidance counsellor figures it out. After a lengthy conversation, the counsellor assures Élise that she’ll be able to go and that he’ll pay the fee, but he does have to call her mom. Élise agrees, even though she knows her mom won’t be happy. She does get to go on the trip and knows that college is exactly where she wants to be next year.
Élise needs to apply for college and writes her guidance counsellor appointment in her agenda, but Rich sees it. He’s adamant that Élise doesn’t say anything to the counsellor. Afraid, Élise does her day at school and puts things in motion for her college application.
Élise goes home after school, but neither her mom nor Rich are there and the door is open. She steps in and sees, in horror, the well-loved community cat, Ferry, dead and hanging from the ceiling in their living room. Élise panics and goes to Lily’s house. Shortly after, Élise’s mom shows up in a cab and demands that Élise go home with her. They get home and confront each other. After a hasty conversation, her mom knows that Élise needs to go back to Lily’s to be safe - so she does.
At school, Élise ends up telling her guidance counsellor everything. This puts things in motion where social services are involved and Élise’s mom is taken by the police. The police know Rich as a drug dealer and are looking to take him into custody. Lily’s family welcomes Élise to stay at their house as long as she likes. Although Élise can’t be sure what the outcome will be with her mother, she knows that she’s well on her way to college and getting “outta here”.
This very short text is well-written and very realistic. Beddia does a solid job of dealing with heavy topics including drug addiction, violence, emotional trauma, and the complications that being a family can bring. Élise, as the protagonist, is a strong female character that shows the reader what resilient young people can do to stand up for themselves while planning for a successful future. Also, the story offers young readers possibilities as to how to navigate difficult times, like having a trusting friend and finding a trusting adult at school such as a guidance counsellor. I can’t say enough great things about this book. I can certainly see it in a secondary classroom as a way to have courageous conversations with young adults who may know someone going through difficulties or are experiencing similar circumstances.
Penta Ledger is a teacher-librarian at Gravenhurst High School in Gravenhurst, Ontario.